We Moved to Germany...

Okay...So we are here in the beautiful Bavarian region of Germany. It is magnificently decorated with wheat and corn fields on rolling hills, amidst lush forests. Big beautiful cathedral style churches adorn every town weather it be small or huge. I love to hear the chapel bells resonate thru-out our tiny town. There are flowers in pots hanging from balconies and window sills and there is lush greenery everywhere you look due to all the rain we get. It really is an idealistic, almost dream like state to be living here. I cant wait to shop more and see more. I love our neighbor across the street, she is german and doesn't speak english. She greets every time she sees us with a wonderful Hallo! or a bright and cheery Guten Morgen! She is always so happy! However, life is not always as fairy tailish as you might think on the other side of the world. Change is inevitable, but it is also HARD. Nothing seems to work with our schedules as far as things on post goes. The army knowingly has made accommodations for all the people living here, however, they do not attempt to accommodate the people whose accommodations are in another town. For example, I cannot take a german class that starts at 9 am because it is located 45 minutes away from where we live...My husband has to be at pt at 6 am, then gets home at 8am to change and be back at work at 9 am, he has 30 min. to do this once he gets home. We only have one car. If i were to drive to to work, that would be fine, but then that would still put me at the german class around 10 am because i would still have to drop off our little one at child care first. UGH! Just thinking about that exhausts me. So the class isn't even an option for me. If that weren't bad enough, it is that way for EVERYTHING there is to do here it seems. I wont even volunteer here like i did at our last duty station for the simple fact that it is not worth my 45min to drive to the volunteer site, then deal with the snotty rude attitudes people seem to have here. I am extremely annoyed with the ACS and how people are treated. It is the ACS's job to help people, but when you deal with the reception staff, they act like it is a waste of their time to have to sit there and help you and provided customer service to you...UM EXCUSE ME IF YOU DONT WANT TO HELP ME, THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A DIFFERENT JOB, THATS WHAT YOUR JOB IS - TO HELP PEOPLE WHO COME IN THRU THE DOOR!
People are even rude at the PX. If you don't want to live here, thats fine, no one forced the spouses to move here, you did have a choice. Just don't take it out on me because you made a decision you don't like. UGH! did i mention I am really frustrated?! And still no contact from the FRG even though i have signed up and so has my husband like 3 different times.
OH, and lets talk about CQ duty for a minute here....you cannot even plan a trip because you will have cq 3 times a month even though more than one unit shares the stupid barracks the sgt that have families have to do stupid cq. WTH?! I really think the single soldiers should have to take care of it....last time i checked my husband doesn't live there, why does he have to take care of and be accountable for someone else's mistakes or crap. its not his stuff...besides, this is just another instance of the the army showing the new soldiers they don't have to take care or responsibility for them selves or their actions because there is someone there to pick up the pieces. What happened to getting what you deserved when you did something wrong? It doesn't seem anyone is accountable for anything they do any more and it ticks me off WTG Army. On top of all of that, we aren't even sure that we get any kind of retirement or that there will even be a guarantee to being able to stay in the army even though you have done everything right. IT BLOWS!
So, I am mad because the army cant get its crap together and the politicians think it is more important for them selves to get paid tons of money for the rest of their lives but the soldier who has to fight for you to make that money get paid crap (BTW the cost of living allowance doesn't allow for much here). AND people are rude because they don't want to be here, but yet they made the choice to be here and the military give you no help in trying to get anything accomplished, in fact i think they go out of their way to make you miserable. The Army really SUCKS on a lot of things right now for us, but on the bright side...It did bring us here to a beautiful country where we would have the opportunity to see different things if my husband wasn't working all the time and if we could afford it because of the exchange rate. But i am happy to be in Germany. I just have to try and not let the glorious army rain on my parade, because i do know after all that it could be a lot worse.


Sincerely and Truly,
Pissed off at the way things are ran around here.

P.S. Thanks for reading my rant and...The chocolate and Coffee are amazing here!

Children . . . .

Okay, So I have been baby sitting. She is a beautiful little girl with long brown hair and huge brown eyes. She is 3. That being said, you don't know her.....She is a BRAT, and that is putting it nicely. She picks fights with my son. She wines, and cries for no reason. She argues with you just so she can have the last word. If you tell her to do something or stop doing something, she won't. She is always into everything and can't keep her hands to herself. My 2 yr old does a tremendously better job at doing these things than she does. She also influences my son to do bad things, just like her. She makes me want to scream, kick, and pull my hair out ( that is putting it mildly ). There are days I'd really like to pinch her little head off!!! Today was one of those days. I put her in time out, i spanked her hands, I got in her face, and she still would not do as she was told, ALL DAY LONG. Her parents have the nerve to call her angel and don't listen them selves after being told several times by the daycare teacher that their child is a "terror". This coming from someone who deals with 2 and 3 yr olds all day.
This morning I told my kids to clean their rooms and put away their clothes. My oldest did what she was told. My youngest however, did not and shoved everything in her closet and closed the door. I told her Last night to do the same thing as well, and the day before that. Finally, it came down to yelling. I yelled at her and told her how it was. After much defiance, I spanked her, then realizing i was only hurting my hand, I pinched her on the thigh. She immediately cried and then looked at me with straight Evil in her eyes and screamed at me....yes, that high pitched little girl scream...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I looked at her and asked her if she was finished, then proceeded to tell her how it was some more.... I was not a very good example for my child today by yelling at her. I seem to yell a lot. Children can only learn if you tell them how to do things and then do them yourself. BRAT does not get told no...if she does, she doesn't have a follow thru. Therefore, she doesn't get in trouble and doesn't learn anything. What do you do with a child when they won't listen and do as they are told....spanking doesn't work, time out doesn't work, grounding doesn't work, taking away privileges doesn't work.... what do you do? How do you discipline your children?

Crazy life in general

Hmmm....A lot has gone on since I last blogged. I have had a lot of thoughts and happenings. I guess a good place to start would be with my wonderful husband. He deployed last week in support of OEF. He will be gone for at least a year. This being said, so many emotions come with this. The only thing I can remotely compare it to is the death of a loved one. You go through anger, sadness, depression, bitterness, and fear. But unless you let all these things go, you will stay that way through out the entire deployment and it is so hard to get yourself back when he returns. Deployment changes us. Not just the soldier, but the spouse and the kids. It changes the way you see and look at life. It changes your family dynamics, your relationships. Hopefully all for the better. I personally, after 11 years of marriage, find myself lost with out my husband. I find it hard to function and do my job as a mother, much less my job as a person. I fear that if I let this consume me, i will be sucked into a never ending black hole of fear and despair. I will loathe everything and everyone. I will not find Joy in anything. I will be fearful of things that have not come to pass and may never come to pass. I cannot and will not let this happen. I value my jobs as mother and a wife too much. I have to give this heavy burden to God and nail it to the cross, or it will consume me. I cannot let the enemy steal my joy. I have to rest assured that God is watching out for my husband and his comrades. I have to have FAITH. God made me to have faith and to find joy in all things he has created. He is the lord of ALL.

Children....
For some reason, when dad is away or just not at home, my children find it absolutely necessary to run amok! I cannot explain this phenomenon, but what ever there is that they are not suppose to do, it is done and what is suppose to be done is not! I just don't think i can yell anymore. I really don't know how Drill Sergeants do it! My girls are perfect and lovely in other people presence, but when it comes to just me and them, all bets are off. I love and adore my girls. I love to watch them grow and see the women they are becoming, but some times...
My son on the other hand is a handful to say the least. I think we will start potty training tomorrow. I will be so glad when it is done. I am tired of changing yucky diapers. He is so cute and he knows it. But when he is upset, your hear just breaks, as it does for the girls too. As we were saying good bye to their dad, the girls started to cry. I was doing okay holding it all together, but when you see your children cry, it breaks your heart. To see them in pain is almost unbearable. If God created us to be like him, I can only imagine how much he, as our heavenly father loves us and feels for us when we go through turmoil.

Funny and sad.....
The other night, the first night my husband was gone, my son was crying hysterically. I went into his room to check on him and he held out his doll to me and said "my daddy doll, my daddy doll"! I picked up his deployment doll and he had somehow managed to remove the picture of his daddy that was in it and couldn't get it back in. Hearing your child cry and sob because of a picture, because that is the only thing they have to comfort them because their parent is gone, is also heartbreaking. On another note, losing a whole roll of toilet paper to the toilet, because your 2 yr old thinks its fun to flush the potty, can be frustrating and funny. At least after he had flushed it all, he put the roll in the trash!

My Husband....
Is soooooooooo wonderful and fabulous. I miss him more than words can say. He is my lover, my help mate. He is the priest of our household. He is a wonderful man of God. I love him so much. He sent me 2 dozen roses a day after he left, just to let me know that he loves me and supports me and knows how hard this is for not only me, but him too. He called me today and all I could do is cry. I really hope this gets easier. He has an important job to do, as all of our soldiers do, and he doesn't need to hear me cry and worry about me every time he calls. Its just hard, it feels like he has been ripped out of our lives. It feels like he is just out of reach and no matter how hard you try to get to him, you just can't. He's always just beyond your grasp.

So, right now, I am taking it day by day. I am trying not to judge others. I am trying at times just to keep it all together. I am trying not to be selfish right now, although that is very hard. Sometimes it is all I can do to just take care of myself. Most of all, I am trying to see the Joy in life. I am so blessed to have great kids, a wonderful husband who is willing to fight for our freedom and our marriage, fabulous family and friends that are here to help me when it gets rough, and most of all, God.

A Barfariffic Day!

Wow, I keep telling myself things just can't get any worse. I really don't know how much more wrong I can be. I have had it. I am just about at the end of my rope and if one more bad thing happens, I will undoubtedly SCREAM MY FREAKING HEAD OFF! The day started out okay today. It was beautiful outside. I thought, this is going to be a good day. Justin and I, along with one of my friends and her little girl went to the Library and helped paint the new mural. It was lots of fun for the kids. Us moms even got massages. I won a great little soccer outfit for Justin, there were snacks there too. We picked out a couple of movies to take home while we were there also. We came home for lunch and Justin didn't want to eat anything. I was figuring no big deal, he had a snack and he usually doesn't have one in the morning. When it was time to pick the girls up from school, I had to go wake Justin from his nap and put him in the car. I was in such a hurry, I didn't even put his shoes on him. Just as I had stopped the car and put it into park, Justin puked all over him self and his car seat. Not once, but 3 times. My husband can tell you, that vomit is not my thing. I can deal with diarrhea all day long, but when it comes to puke, NO WAY! Now, we got home with out Gracie puking, we did good. I had Gracie unlock the front door and go inside while I took Justin's clothes off of him in the front yard and took his car seat out of the car. Then I took Justin inside to lay down and watch Elmo that we had rented from the library. I am totally disgusted at this point. I have to clean the car, that by the way has been barfed in by our children way too many times, dismantle and clean Justin's Car seat and take everything to the washer. YUCK!!!! After 1 hour, 1 pair of rubber gloves and half a box of baby wipes, the car sits in the driveway, windows rolled down and back door open. So, as I sit here still smelling vomit because it got on my pants while cleaning, I am trying really hard to look at the brighter side of the situation. Fortunately I had just cleaned out the car a few hours earlier, so barf was not on everything that was in the car, and relatively easy to get off of the seats and various other places. Vomit did not get on my Coach purse that was sitting in the back seat with Justin. It did not get on his brand new shoes and ruin them. Even though there is no easy way to dismantle a car seat, I did it. Thank you God that you gave me the weird ability to close off my nostrils so I don't smell anything I don't want to. Most importantly, I cleaned it up all by myself. Any how, it could have been worse. Thank God it wasn't. I am desperately trying to Praise God thru my circumstances, but sometimes it is really hard to see the light because all the negative stuff gets in my way. I have to hold my head up and be strong, so, that's what I will do. As my friend Amanda told me the other day, the Army's motto is: Suck it up and move on. I think that will be my new philosophy. :)

My Favorite Christmas Song...

What is my favorite Christmas song? Wow, there are a lot of really fantastic songs out there. Sometimes I like songs like "Baby It's Cold Outside" if I'm in a romantic mood, or the Batman rendition of Jingle Bells if I'm in a silly or fun mood. However, my all time favorite Christmas song is Silent Night. I love the story it tells of Jesus and his birth. It reminds me of how much I am blessed even in rough times. It is such a sincere song with peaceful music. It makes me relax and I even like to think that after I've listened to it, that all is right with the world.
Right now, need something to go Right! As of Friday, one week ago I found out that my husband and our family would not be moving to Germany. This is something we were really looking forward to. We couldn't wait to explore new things and places we have never done or been and for our children to experience it all too. Everything was falling into place perfectly except for the fact that I had to quit Cosmetology school because we were moving.
Why aren't we moving? My husband is being deployed with his current unit to who knows where and who knows when? What a huge adjustment to switch from one state of mind to a completely different one. I was extremely sad and angry, all at once. I kept trying to remind myself that it was happening for a reason.
Then, the roof fell down....LITERALLY! I came home Thursday after doing some Christmas shopping and spending some time with a friend and letting the kids play together, to my house flooded with water. We live in Colorado, so it gets very cold in the winter. We have had a lot of extreme temperatures the last week, and it started to warm up a little. When it warms up, the disasters start to happen. A pipe burst in our down stairs bath room. It flooded the entire down stairs...Bathroom, bedroom, 4 closets, kitchen, dining room and living room. I am so very glad at this point that we didn't go all out with the Christmas decorations this year. We only did the tree. We are still not sure of what the damage will be from all our furniture.
To make the holidays even brighter, on Friday I was told that I have a rare incurable disease. It is called Pelvic Congestion Syndrome. My doctor has only ever seen two other cases. It was explained to me that it is some what like varicose veins in your uterus. Some women have pain with it, and some don't. I am one of the lucky ones who does have pain. It does have treatment, but not cured, so, they can make it better. For now, I am starting with the first step, birth control pills, continuously. If that doesn't work we will try either a shot or endoscopy to take a closer look. Yeah. I can hardly contain my excitement (I'm being sarcastic when i say that). So, to manage the pain the doctor prescribed me 800mg Motrin. My husband is in the Army, so that is no surprise.
So, because our house is flooded, we are staying at the La Quinta. By the way, the same thing happened last year at the exact same time and we are staying at the same hotel. We have 3 kids, they are 9, 6, & 2. I love all my children tremendously, but when you are stressed out, they can get on your very last nerve. They have been going crazy and driving me crazy couped up in a little hotel room. With all that said, it would horrify me if something ever happened to one of them. I am to the point that if one more bad thing happens, I just don't know what I will do. I might just lose my mind completely! My husband and I woke up early this morning to the hotel phone ringing in our room. We had been out late last night due to a company Christmas party. We were so tired and so were the kids. Any how, the person on the phone was the receptionist asking us if we were missing a little blond haired boy? My husband sits up in bed and looks at our 2 yr old sons bed, and he is gone! Apparently, he had escaped our room and wondered down the hallway. He tried to make his way back but made it only to the door before ours. He was crying at another guests door. They brought him down to the lobby and gave him some cereal and juice, and the front desk called us.
WOW! What a week! Amidst all this chaos, I am forever thankful that we could have moved to Germany and then my husband could have been deployed leaving my children and I in a foreign country without knowing anyone and having no support. Our house could have burst into flames and burned down, but it was only flooded and we are not homeless, just temporarily displaced. I could have been diagnosed with something life threatening, instead it is manageable. Those people could have kidnapped my child, but they did the right thing and took him to the front desk. We are so blessed and I praise God for that! However, as I am typing this and listening to the kids talk and play and the hotel TV blaring.....it would be nice to have a SILENT NIGHT!!

About Me

My name is Holly. I have been an Army wife for 9 years and counting. We have 3 children, one dog and one foster dog. We go to a church that is not your typical church in any fashion. I love the style, and the people. I am a stay at home mom. I have 2 school age children and one toddler. We have lived in Colorado for 1 1/2 years now. I love the beauty of the mountains here. I like to read when I have a chance, I like to make jewelry to help me relax. I like to make dinner for my family, we rarely eat out. We are facing Deployment in the very near future. This is not an aspect that excites me at all. I am very annoyed by it and disturbed.