Children . . . .

Okay, So I have been baby sitting. She is a beautiful little girl with long brown hair and huge brown eyes. She is 3. That being said, you don't know her.....She is a BRAT, and that is putting it nicely. She picks fights with my son. She wines, and cries for no reason. She argues with you just so she can have the last word. If you tell her to do something or stop doing something, she won't. She is always into everything and can't keep her hands to herself. My 2 yr old does a tremendously better job at doing these things than she does. She also influences my son to do bad things, just like her. She makes me want to scream, kick, and pull my hair out ( that is putting it mildly ). There are days I'd really like to pinch her little head off!!! Today was one of those days. I put her in time out, i spanked her hands, I got in her face, and she still would not do as she was told, ALL DAY LONG. Her parents have the nerve to call her angel and don't listen them selves after being told several times by the daycare teacher that their child is a "terror". This coming from someone who deals with 2 and 3 yr olds all day.
This morning I told my kids to clean their rooms and put away their clothes. My oldest did what she was told. My youngest however, did not and shoved everything in her closet and closed the door. I told her Last night to do the same thing as well, and the day before that. Finally, it came down to yelling. I yelled at her and told her how it was. After much defiance, I spanked her, then realizing i was only hurting my hand, I pinched her on the thigh. She immediately cried and then looked at me with straight Evil in her eyes and screamed at me....yes, that high pitched little girl scream...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I looked at her and asked her if she was finished, then proceeded to tell her how it was some more.... I was not a very good example for my child today by yelling at her. I seem to yell a lot. Children can only learn if you tell them how to do things and then do them yourself. BRAT does not get told no...if she does, she doesn't have a follow thru. Therefore, she doesn't get in trouble and doesn't learn anything. What do you do with a child when they won't listen and do as they are told....spanking doesn't work, time out doesn't work, grounding doesn't work, taking away privileges doesn't work.... what do you do? How do you discipline your children?

Crazy life in general

Hmmm....A lot has gone on since I last blogged. I have had a lot of thoughts and happenings. I guess a good place to start would be with my wonderful husband. He deployed last week in support of OEF. He will be gone for at least a year. This being said, so many emotions come with this. The only thing I can remotely compare it to is the death of a loved one. You go through anger, sadness, depression, bitterness, and fear. But unless you let all these things go, you will stay that way through out the entire deployment and it is so hard to get yourself back when he returns. Deployment changes us. Not just the soldier, but the spouse and the kids. It changes the way you see and look at life. It changes your family dynamics, your relationships. Hopefully all for the better. I personally, after 11 years of marriage, find myself lost with out my husband. I find it hard to function and do my job as a mother, much less my job as a person. I fear that if I let this consume me, i will be sucked into a never ending black hole of fear and despair. I will loathe everything and everyone. I will not find Joy in anything. I will be fearful of things that have not come to pass and may never come to pass. I cannot and will not let this happen. I value my jobs as mother and a wife too much. I have to give this heavy burden to God and nail it to the cross, or it will consume me. I cannot let the enemy steal my joy. I have to rest assured that God is watching out for my husband and his comrades. I have to have FAITH. God made me to have faith and to find joy in all things he has created. He is the lord of ALL.

Children....
For some reason, when dad is away or just not at home, my children find it absolutely necessary to run amok! I cannot explain this phenomenon, but what ever there is that they are not suppose to do, it is done and what is suppose to be done is not! I just don't think i can yell anymore. I really don't know how Drill Sergeants do it! My girls are perfect and lovely in other people presence, but when it comes to just me and them, all bets are off. I love and adore my girls. I love to watch them grow and see the women they are becoming, but some times...
My son on the other hand is a handful to say the least. I think we will start potty training tomorrow. I will be so glad when it is done. I am tired of changing yucky diapers. He is so cute and he knows it. But when he is upset, your hear just breaks, as it does for the girls too. As we were saying good bye to their dad, the girls started to cry. I was doing okay holding it all together, but when you see your children cry, it breaks your heart. To see them in pain is almost unbearable. If God created us to be like him, I can only imagine how much he, as our heavenly father loves us and feels for us when we go through turmoil.

Funny and sad.....
The other night, the first night my husband was gone, my son was crying hysterically. I went into his room to check on him and he held out his doll to me and said "my daddy doll, my daddy doll"! I picked up his deployment doll and he had somehow managed to remove the picture of his daddy that was in it and couldn't get it back in. Hearing your child cry and sob because of a picture, because that is the only thing they have to comfort them because their parent is gone, is also heartbreaking. On another note, losing a whole roll of toilet paper to the toilet, because your 2 yr old thinks its fun to flush the potty, can be frustrating and funny. At least after he had flushed it all, he put the roll in the trash!

My Husband....
Is soooooooooo wonderful and fabulous. I miss him more than words can say. He is my lover, my help mate. He is the priest of our household. He is a wonderful man of God. I love him so much. He sent me 2 dozen roses a day after he left, just to let me know that he loves me and supports me and knows how hard this is for not only me, but him too. He called me today and all I could do is cry. I really hope this gets easier. He has an important job to do, as all of our soldiers do, and he doesn't need to hear me cry and worry about me every time he calls. Its just hard, it feels like he has been ripped out of our lives. It feels like he is just out of reach and no matter how hard you try to get to him, you just can't. He's always just beyond your grasp.

So, right now, I am taking it day by day. I am trying not to judge others. I am trying at times just to keep it all together. I am trying not to be selfish right now, although that is very hard. Sometimes it is all I can do to just take care of myself. Most of all, I am trying to see the Joy in life. I am so blessed to have great kids, a wonderful husband who is willing to fight for our freedom and our marriage, fabulous family and friends that are here to help me when it gets rough, and most of all, God.

A Barfariffic Day!

Wow, I keep telling myself things just can't get any worse. I really don't know how much more wrong I can be. I have had it. I am just about at the end of my rope and if one more bad thing happens, I will undoubtedly SCREAM MY FREAKING HEAD OFF! The day started out okay today. It was beautiful outside. I thought, this is going to be a good day. Justin and I, along with one of my friends and her little girl went to the Library and helped paint the new mural. It was lots of fun for the kids. Us moms even got massages. I won a great little soccer outfit for Justin, there were snacks there too. We picked out a couple of movies to take home while we were there also. We came home for lunch and Justin didn't want to eat anything. I was figuring no big deal, he had a snack and he usually doesn't have one in the morning. When it was time to pick the girls up from school, I had to go wake Justin from his nap and put him in the car. I was in such a hurry, I didn't even put his shoes on him. Just as I had stopped the car and put it into park, Justin puked all over him self and his car seat. Not once, but 3 times. My husband can tell you, that vomit is not my thing. I can deal with diarrhea all day long, but when it comes to puke, NO WAY! Now, we got home with out Gracie puking, we did good. I had Gracie unlock the front door and go inside while I took Justin's clothes off of him in the front yard and took his car seat out of the car. Then I took Justin inside to lay down and watch Elmo that we had rented from the library. I am totally disgusted at this point. I have to clean the car, that by the way has been barfed in by our children way too many times, dismantle and clean Justin's Car seat and take everything to the washer. YUCK!!!! After 1 hour, 1 pair of rubber gloves and half a box of baby wipes, the car sits in the driveway, windows rolled down and back door open. So, as I sit here still smelling vomit because it got on my pants while cleaning, I am trying really hard to look at the brighter side of the situation. Fortunately I had just cleaned out the car a few hours earlier, so barf was not on everything that was in the car, and relatively easy to get off of the seats and various other places. Vomit did not get on my Coach purse that was sitting in the back seat with Justin. It did not get on his brand new shoes and ruin them. Even though there is no easy way to dismantle a car seat, I did it. Thank you God that you gave me the weird ability to close off my nostrils so I don't smell anything I don't want to. Most importantly, I cleaned it up all by myself. Any how, it could have been worse. Thank God it wasn't. I am desperately trying to Praise God thru my circumstances, but sometimes it is really hard to see the light because all the negative stuff gets in my way. I have to hold my head up and be strong, so, that's what I will do. As my friend Amanda told me the other day, the Army's motto is: Suck it up and move on. I think that will be my new philosophy. :)